King Crab at Half Shell

0 Posted by - August 12, 2009 - Try This Shit

Sup Big Shoulders!  I got 99 problems but a crab aint one…

Fanny pack touting tourists who insist on calling Chicago “Chi-Town” love to talk shit about our seafood.  It is feared that because our city is landlocked, we are forced to put up with Red Lobster-style entrees that permeate like pussy lips sans douche

These busters just don’t know about Glenn’s Diner, The King Crab Tavern, Shaw’s Crab House, Half Shell and the great 21st century service called same day delivery.


Half Shell’s marketing message: Whether you come from around the corner or happen to be from Istanbul, Turkey, you will always enjoy our Menu.

Do Muslims eat King Crab?  I do know that the “around the corner”, busted ass Fakeview scene, loves this place.  And I concur wholeheartedly. 

Its all about the combos at Half Shell, where king crab, snow crab and beef tenderlion play off one another like Shane Sparks, Lil’ Mama and JC Chasez on America’s Best Dance Crew.  Other notable “that shit is hood” traits include white wine chilled in a plastic beer pitcher, garlic butter in a squeeze bottle and fries on top of toasted white bread with a lollipop nestled in.


  • avatar
    Zara August 17, 2009 - 8:03 pm Reply

    Guy.. I’m a loyal CG reader and laugh like hell at almost every post. I’ve facebooked about your blog and made others aware of your culinary wit and comical reviews, but this one was a bit over the top… loved the tight like an abstinent prostitute, mexique flavorfuck, or some of the other quotable lines from CG, but the “no douche” takes away from what your readers love… a little edge, a lot of wit, and truth about the food/experience.

    • avatar
      bevin titcomb August 18, 2009 - 10:55 am Reply

      Hey Zara-

      Coming on as a new Chicago Glutton has been no small feat (it’s sorta like a never ending menstrual cycle). As a half Cuban, half Senegalese teen growing up in Bed-Stuy, douche comments were as commonplace as Cutlass Supremes. Rest assured girl, Ima bring that food review heat, but it’s gonna be raw dog. Aint no fun if the ladies cant have none, right? I am appreciative that you reached out and lent a female perspective in this dick dominated World.

      Love and gluttony!

  • avatar
    roy August 18, 2009 - 2:34 pm Reply

    This is officially getting really weird.

  • avatar
    d August 18, 2009 - 2:40 pm Reply

    Hey Bev-

    Fall back on those dick comments; dont hate…appreciate.

  • avatar
    Zara August 21, 2009 - 9:04 pm Reply


    To good gluttony…all around!

  • avatar
    Plush August 13, 2010 - 7:43 pm Reply

    Since when is Chicago “land locked,” dickschlong?

    • avatar
      d August 15, 2010 - 3:28 pm Reply

      dickschlong…nice. you must have pledged Sigma Chi.

  • avatar
    roy August 16, 2010 - 1:49 pm Reply

    Plush is a regular at John Barleycorn. Careful, he might ‘bro’ you to death.

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