Restuarant: Glenn's Diner |
Address: 1820 W Montrose Ave
Chicago, IL 60613 |
So the other Tuesday night, the ole’ ball n’ chain and I had a craving for decapod crustaceans. And what better way to scratch that itch than to eat at Glenn’s Diner? Why you ask? Because it’s effing all you can eat Crab Legs night—that’s why! (not all you SHOULD eat, but all you CAN eat. There is a difference.) As soon as we sat down, we were greeted with this giant dish of deliciousness!
Before gorging my meal I said a silent thank you to the Lord of Fat Fuckery and then immediately asked myself, “How would internationally recognized and extremely famous martial arts superhero Steven Seagal eat crab legs?”
My adrenaline was pumped and I was inspired by images of Senor Esteban Seagal cracking some skeletons, so I aikido-ed the shit out of that crab leg. There was no defense for this water arachnid. This was the result.
Make no mistake, my friends, I am no wimp! I delivered fantastic damage to this Cloverfield-sized exoskeleton just so I could get that sweet meat within.
After about three of these baby arm-sized legs, I attempted to go to the bathroom to “make some room” for more crab meat (insert giant poo joke here). When I returned to my seat I saw that this crab leg was making sweet, sweet love to the side of corn on the cob filler on my plate.
Insert 'crabs' joke here.
As you can imagine this G-rated family show quickly turned into a food porno worthy of yet another picture because I am not only a fat fuck but a sick fuck as well!
Get a room.
Go to Glenn’s! It’s delicious, worth the money and my boyfriend still loves me after this restaurant visit.
Me wearing my favorite hat.