Well, my Pops was right…you just can’t win them all.  Last night, lil’ Mari and I lost big at La Fonda Latino Grill: a fugazy (i.e. fake, flossed) spot that boasts fine Colombian cuisine.

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You would think that odds were on our side due to the fact that we walked in to the joint with a $25 off coupon from a TimeOut Chicago survey I completed a few weeks back.  In the end, the players got played.  I’ll get to that later.

The restaurant sits at the border of Edgewater/Uptown, so of course we were greeted by some drunk, sitting alone, schwillin down tequila on the rocks (pictured above).  “Why don’t y’all come inside and talk about it?”  He slurred/spat, along with some lime remnants,  “…and I got their first round!!!” 

But there was no first round to be had from our inebriated friend.  So, we started off with a bottle of Terrazas Cabernet Sauvignon which would be the only smart choice we made all evening.  We order:

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We start with a plate of Arepa de Choclo Con Camerones which was a sweet corn cake with mozzarella cheese, topped by two shrimp wrapped in bacon and covered in red pepper aioli.  On the real, it was a decent dish.  The flavor profiles were there, but c’mon now, ANYTHING tastes good wrapped in bacon shunn! 

And don’t try to claim fine dining when you bring out the entrees before we are done with the appetizer.  So tacky.

Main course:

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Mari went with the tilapia wrapped in plantain leaf, topped with some creamy white sauce.  It was aight.  But, I kinda feel like I could make this at home and not spend $16.50.  And I have certainly eaten banquet fish which tasted better.  Any fool who has no imagination falls back on “creamy white wine sauces.”  Also, please notice what I call, “ramekin red rice” and the frozen veggies which resemble french fries at Superdawg.

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I was feeling some steak, but I was indecisive, so I asked our server if he preferred the Bistec (beef loin) or the Sobrebarriga (flank steak).  Big mistake on my part, cuz ole boy had no clue…if he had been serving me doonkies on a plate, he probably would have had been better at describing what it would taste like.  Oh, the salad was from a bag and had no dressing…at least give a brotha a splash of extra virgin!  Nevertheless, the plantains were good and the steak was decent.  But, I definitely could have made this dish at home; drunk and high off barbiturates.  I also would have saved $14.95.

And for dessert:

Oh, why no picture, you might ask.  Well, we had to spend $50 on food (no alcohol included in total price) in order to us the $25 coupon.  So, to put us at the $50 mark, we decided on the Colombian Cheesecake Special con helado.  We wanted to take the dish home to avert Thursday Tango Night.  Unfortunately, after finishing our wine, we said goodbyes to our server and the owner and walked right out-sans dessert.  Yes, it was a stoner move on our part, but the wait staff should be on that shit right?…a fitting ending to a horrific evening which started off with drunken greetings from Edgewaters Finest.

  • Name: La Fonda Latino Grille
  • Where: 5350 N Broadway St Chicago, IL 60640
  •  Phone Number: (773) 271-3935