Things fall APART.

0 Posted by - December 7, 2009 - Things We've Eaten

Aaaaaannd . . we’re back.

Sorry about that little hiatus faithful readers, we were on a diet.   Now that I’ve widdled my man boobs down to a supple B-cup we can get back to business.  But wait.  I have to get something (else) off my chest.

Let me start with this video:

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You see, before Chicago Gluttons was ChicagoGluttons.com, we had a small blogspot blog talking about delicious food on the north side.  The final post on that blog was about APART Pizza opening up it’s second branch literally steps from my apartment.  It was inspiring.  I had only had APART a few times in my life . . I knew that this was going to be life changing. . . and it was.

As time went on, the quality & service at the Edgewater location started to dwindle.  “It’s just growing pains”, I justified.  I would order every few months to see if things were back on track and was still generally disappointed with the pizza.  Maybe my standards have increased . . maybe I am just having bad luck . . I would never give up. . . you should never give up on the things that you love.

My last attempt was a few Sundays ago.  I was on my way back from the suburbs visiting my parents.  The Bears vs. Packers game was on Sunday night football and I was determined to get an ‘old school’ APART pizza . . something delicious and simple.  I had the apartment to myself, so I was ready to get nasty. I arrived at home and put on my pizza pants and hit up Grubhub.  (if you don’t know about grubhub, you had better wake the fuck up)

The game had started but I wasn’t ready.  I wasn’t going to watch a second of football without a mouthful of delicious thin crust pizza, I paused the DVR.  This was my destiny.  I deserve this.  An hour and a half later, the buzzer rang.  I paid the delivery driver + a healthy tip and ran up the stairs as if I was being chased.  I dropped the pizza box on the table and opened it up for a ‘preparation slice’.  (The slice you eat while you gather plates and choose a beverage)

To my dismay, the pizza that was delivered was not even close to what I wanted.

It was covered with shrimp and soggy with shrimp water.  It was the worst pizza in the entire world.

Shrimp is not a pizza topping

You couldn’t even hold a slice.  All structural integrity was compromised as the crust was soaked with shrimp / tomoato juice.  I could’ve drank it with a crazy straw.

What the fuck kind of pizza is this?

I later called APART to tell them about the pizza and the woman on the phone sounded like a PMSing Rosie Perez.  She reluctantly offered me a free pizza coupon, but wasn’t willing to deliver a new one for the game.  I told her that I’d pass.  I ended up eating a few slices out of desperation, sans skrimp.

skrimps

But when life give you lemons . . . you search for better pizza.

Stay tuned for part 2:  North Side Pizza: A New Hope.

15 Comments

  • avatar
    Brian M December 7, 2009 - 5:23 am Reply

    Buddy..you nailed it with this one. The first time I had Apart was when they opened up their location on Montrose..it was damn good pizza..it was right around the corner from our condo…I talked it up for quite some time..and then, like you, I started noticing how it was going down..and fast! Even outside of this shrimp pizza all of their other pies have become a shadow of what they were a few years back..sucks.

    Found your site by way of a google news update

  • avatar
    yo December 7, 2009 - 9:27 am Reply

    I hate to be the one to tell you this, but no one in chicago knows how to make real pizza. Deep dish is not pizza and wtf is up with square slices? It’s a travesty.

  • avatar
    HC December 7, 2009 - 9:52 am Reply

    Yo, I think the Glutton crew will surprise you. There is some damn fine pizza out there, if you know where to look. Don’t be a hater. As roy says, stayed tuned for part 2.

  • avatar
    c4mden December 7, 2009 - 10:42 am Reply

    man, i worked right across the street from the apart in lincoln square when they opened. i used to eat there like twice a week. it was some of the best pizza in chicago, and the people who ran it were pretty cool.

    a year or so after i stopped working in the neighborhood, i stopped by the place and was dismayed at how much the quality of the pizza had gone down. i thought maybe it was just a fluke that day, but i guess not.

    *sad face*

  • avatar
    Ira December 7, 2009 - 10:56 am Reply

    I said it once and I’ll say it again: Don’t fuck with Chicago Gluttons, they will eat your lunch.

  • avatar
    rachel December 7, 2009 - 10:04 pm Reply

    a) that video is priceless. why is nobody commenting on the video???
    b) i am liking the pepperoni pizza at Piece in wicker park a lot. you have to shoulder through a number of douches to get to it, but it’s not too bad if you go on a weeknight.

  • avatar
    Tatas December 7, 2009 - 11:34 pm Reply

    How the mighty have fallen…

  • avatar
    Joanna December 9, 2009 - 10:43 am Reply

    I never understood the draw to this place…yuck yuck yuck. Really disappointing. That said, Spacca Napoli makes me so very happy.

  • avatar
    lcm December 9, 2009 - 5:21 pm Reply

    soooo glad to have you back… I’ve really missed these spicy obscenity-laden food reviews that i have forwarded to half the people I know.

  • avatar
    roy December 9, 2009 - 9:00 pm Reply

    Thanks for the kind words LCM. We’ll keep it coming!

  • avatar
    Deez December 11, 2009 - 3:12 pm Reply

    Bwahahah. Who THE FUCK puts shrimp on a pizza? Thats like putting lobster in Ravioli… oh wait a second. Seriously tho, that pizza looks like a porn stars ass in HD and that video just caused me to laugh so hard that I’m now “baking brownies” and a 6lb monster growler is on the horizon. Fuck you guys.

  • avatar
    Mike Evans December 11, 2009 - 11:24 pm Reply

    You poor man. And during a bears game. And those damn Packers. Drop me an email, let us buy you some non shrimp pizza for the next Bears game.– GrubHub

  • avatar
    Naperville Spa Gal April 1, 2010 - 5:24 pm Reply

    Agreed, I will never eat their pizza again!

  • avatar
    Killer Mike April 18, 2010 - 5:12 am Reply

    @yo

    Coalfire Pizza is by far the best pie I’ve had in Chicago. It’s in the apizza (“ah-beets”) style that you find in New Haven, CT. It doesn’t quite reach the heights of Sally’s Apizza or Pepe’s but it’s close. Crispy crust, chewy center, San Marzano gravy.

  • avatar
    Kirk August 16, 2010 - 8:54 pm Reply

    I have ordered the #22 signature Apart pizza numerous times, and it has always been delivered within the hour, and always has tasted good…until the last two times. Each of the past two times when I’ve ordered this particular pizza, they’ve delivered the wrong pizza. The first time I chalked it up to a mistake, and didn’t do anything about it. The second time, I called to make sure I ordered what I thought I ordered, and that was the case…they delivered the wrong one for the second time in a row. I will not be ordering pizza from Apart Pizza ever again.

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