Yo Fuck Sizzler! (Steaks is High at Drake Bros)

I love meat . . . I know it’s selfish and that we could probably alleviate the most detrimental effects of global warming by not eating it. But when calculating my global footprint & corresponding action plan, I resign to the fact that to me, the deliciousness of a bone-in-ribeye supercedes the fate of humankind (don’t judge me!). That being said, I’d like to talk to you about Drake Bros, and the night I got to get all “dawn of the dead” in a fancy restaurant. But first a message from our bovine sponsors:

Don’t hate on us. It’s not our fault you are so delicious. (big ups to jesus!)

There had been this rumor going around that steaks were buy one at regular price and get a second for a penny on Tuesdays at The Drake Hotel. I figured that this was a good opportunity to get my culinary Snopes on and clear this one up for the masses. Let’s eat some meat, for science.

The meal started with a series of appetizers. This was a visually pleasing but not so delicious crab cake:

Show me delicious . . .

Pretty isn’t it? Buy the t-shirt, and eat something else.

The steaks were 9/10, though if I was paying full price the rating would quickly drop to a respectable 7/10.

Lets take a look at these beauties:

I keep this photo in my wallet

Straight up carnage.

You’re probably thinking, what’s that shit on the top of your steak Roy? That’s “Drake Crust” . . and let my friend Cancer Boy tell you about it’s composition:

That’s right! Good ole’ bone marrow. Not to offend all your marrow-heads out there, but I ended up scraping most of it off. It tasted very biological to me, like it should have been served out of a petri-dish. I’m sure it’s delicious though if you are into that sort of thing. I just didn’t know how I felt about marrow. You learn something new about yourself everyday.

The side dishes are what really stole the show. I thought about dedicating this entire post to the ridiculously delicious chipotle corn. Dios mio. I couldn’t stuff enough of this shit down my gullet. I made sure I had a few kernels on every fork that went in my mouth.

Check it out:

I considered garnishing my martini with a kernel or 2 or maybe firing up the ol’ corn bong:

Corn! Corn! Corn!

The second most delicious side dish was the truffle scalloped potatoes. Very creamy, and just the right amount of truffle flavor. Food is delicious.

I’ve never wished I was a spoon more in my life.

The meal ended with a series of retardo desserts, coffee and me ordering a stomach pump on the internet

Delicious blueberry something.

I get chocolate with my coffee, this makes me feel important.

The verdict:

Drake Bros is a great place for broke motherfuckers like us to go and pretend we’re like Thurston Howell III and shit. Playa playa!

“That’s some good corn!”